As promised in the 10 best jobs post I made, here are the 10 worst jobs for 2010. Though this is generally a response to the ridiculous official lists that are put out (compared to my list their worst looks like free money for getting blow jobs), I’m also trying to make you feel better about the shitty job you’re probably blowing off while reading this blog post. Enjoy.

10. Sewage Treatment Worker. You work with and process piss and shit and whatever else I happened to flush down my toilet. There’s no tellin’ what you’ll come into contact with as aids infected bits of flesh come down the pipe from your local prison. And you’ll never, ever, wash out that smell.

9. Prison Phone Bank Operator. So, you think your cubicle is a prison? Well as a prisoner working as a customer service agent, your cube is actually your break from your small cell. Just imagine getting prison raped and then having to take angry customer calls for Visa?

8. Biological Waste Handler (Medical Garbage Man). Those little bins with the needles and bloody crap from the operating room has to go somewhere and you’re going to take it there. Here, have a bag of tumors and body fat. Good times.

7. Crime Scene Cleaner. All the fun of the biological waste handler but with none of the safety features. Bits of brains, blood splattered on a wall, entrails dragged through a living room by a hungry family dog, it’s all yours.

6. Animal Inseminator. Just reach right up that horses vagina. Yup, that’s right, all the way up to the shoulder. Now breathe deep, my friend. This is your life.

5. Body Cavity Searcher. Maybe you’re a cop, maybe a prison guard, but whatever the case you are going to search the rectum of the 6 foot 4 inch rapist in front of you.

4. Chicken Killer. Before it comes to the super market, it’s a bird and you must decapitate it, de-feather it, cut out it’s guts, and send it along on a conveyor belt of doom. Lip itching? Don’t scratch it as you’re covered in feathers, blood, feces, and the remnants of your childhood dreams.

3. Spooge Mopper. From the slang dictionary: spooge n.
semen. From the normal dictionary: mopper. n. a worker who uses a mop to clean a surface. Put them together and it means you have one of the shittiest jobs on the planet. All day and (more likely) all night, you clean up the jizz of the sex shop patrons. The only way to get this job is to rape cancer ridden child midgets in a previous life.

2. Child Soldier. While not a common career in the U.S., child soldiers exist on every continent in the world. Chances are, you fell in to this career when a small group of armed thugs showed up in your hometown and forced you to kill your parents right there on the spot. From there they got you addicted to drugs, raped you repeatedly, forced you to kill other kids, and then marched you toward enemies that might not want to kill kids. To add insult to one of the greatest horrors mankind has ever invented, you work on commission, only getting paid when you loot something of value.

1. Whore (all types from crack to call girl). The oldest profession is still the shittiest. It doesn’t matter if you’re sucking dick for crack or sucking crack for cash, your life is pretty much fucked forever and you know it. In fact, it’s all you can think about as that three hundred pound, sweat covered biological waste handler, thrusts his swollen belly against you as you (under orders) call him “big bill the love king”.

See, life’s not so bad…for you.